Head Vs. Heart: The Constant Battle

First, let me say that I got all of this written out and when I hit “Publish” WordPress deleted the whole thing. Yeah. So, here we go again. Take two.

The past several days have really emphasized how vast the difference between head and heart is, and how out of sync they usually are. As a lot of you probably already know, I went to Washington, D.C. on a missions trip from June 30th to July 7th. A quick summary of the week: Our trip was organized by a guy named Mike who has worked with our Youth Pastor, Jeremy, in the past. We stayed in a Lutheran church with another group from Canada. We had the chance to work with them for part of the week and get to know them a bit. Our group worked with the Salvation Army, several soup kitchens, and do some kids’ ministry. It was a great trip and I really enjoyed getting to know some of the kids from New Brunswick, as well as getting to know all the kids from my church better. However, during the week I felt myself being convicted.

For those of you who know me well are already aware, I love putting on a good party. My gifting, coupled with my interests and a sincere believe that God wants me there, have me headed into the field of hospitality. At this point, I’m most interested in pursuing event coordination. This week we served a lot of meals, and I frequently found myself back in the kitchen area. It was great, I was able to help provide some necessary work and have some good conversations while I was at it. The problem was, I caught Martha Syndrome. Now, before you panic and Google what kind of horrible disease I contracted while visiting our nation’s capital, let me explain what I mean. Read Luke 10:38-42. Does that make a little more sense now? Like Martha, I get so caught up in the planning and doing and serving that I miss the heart of the matter. Martha was busy running around, using her head trying to make sure everyone was fed and getting along while Mary was doing something much better. Just sitting with Jesus getting to know him. Mary had her heart in the right place.

When decisions need to be made, the logical part of me is usually what wins. Most of the time I think that’s a good thing, but Jesus has called all of us to step out of the boat and follow him in faith (Matthew 14:22-33). At best, this is a scary thing to do, and when the logical part of me is screaming to go into survival mode it takes a lot to step out in faith. The awesome thing is that when we trust God enough to step out we accomplish things we are completely incapable of doing on our own.

So where does that leave you? Or me, for that matter. Well, I may be starting to see. Sunday I was offered the chance to go to attend AirVenture in Oshkosh, WI as a sort of event coordination intern for IAMA (International Association of Mission Aviation). I’ll be driving up on the 18th (when God moves, He does it quickly!) and flying home with the Jaars crew on the 30th. While I’m there I’ll be learning what is involved in being the coordinator for the mission aviation booth for this event. Short term implications include getting another internship on my resume and getting to meet a ton of people. A long term implication could be that if I like what I see, I spend some time working with the current coordinator and then eventually take over from there. This is kind of scary for me, a lot is happening really quickly and my head and my heart are duking it out on this one, too.

My head is saying that this is an awesome opportunity, but that it’s happening really quickly and there’s a ton that needs to be done. My heart says that I’m going to miss the trip I’ve been planning for months to go visit my brother out in Wilmington, but that God could do some incredible things on this trip. As you can imagine, there’s been a lot of prayer involved in the past couple days. I’ve been asking God to provide the best way for me to point people back to Him, and this seems to be it. So, I’m asking that you pray for during the coming weeks.

Pray for:

-safety. It’s a long drive up to Wisconsin and I’m flying back. Also, I’m going to be around a lot of airplanes. I’m not usually a clumsy person, but this would be a really bad time for me to turn into one.

-understanding. A lot of new information is going to be coming at me from lots of places, and some of it may be pretty technical when referring to aviation stuff. I grew up around planes, but I’m no expert.

-guidance. Is this really what I’m interested in pursuing while enrolled at JWU?

-weather. Again, lots of airplanes and tents so a thunderstorm with high winds would be pretty bad news.

-opportunity. There are going to be tons of people at this event, pray that I meet up with people that I will have the opportunity to impact and who will be able to positively impact me.

Phew. That was a pain to re-write and it was probably a pain to read. If you’ve stuck with me this long and you’re still interested in my life, you deserve a reward. Here’s a smile 😀

As always, if you have questions, comments, or concerns just comment below or on Facebook! Thanks for reading!